Transforming Grief: A Reflection on September 11

Dear Friend,

Initially, my plan for today's note to you was to delve into the transformative journey of reshaping our morning routines. However, as I glanced at the calendar and realized the significance of today's date, September 11, my heart felt heavy. 

Just last week, while rummaging through some old photos, I stumbled upon images I captured while working near Ground Zero in the days following what was, undeniably, the most intense shared grief-filled period I've ever endured. It's remarkable how the wisdom of Mr. Rogers, a comforting presence from my childhood, echoed in my mind. He advised that in moments of profound tragedy, we should "look for the helpers." Reflecting on it now, I realize that this perspective was a beacon of hope for me amidst the sorrow.

At that time, I was a director at the NY Metro Children’s Miracle Network (CMN), which positioned me in a unique place to make a difference.I was able to ask my contacts at RiteAid, Walmart Pharmacy, and Eckerd Drugs across the nation to donate much needed asthma medication and masks for children affected by the aftermath near Ground Zero. They were so grateful for the opportunity to help and a Walmart employee volunteered to drive across the  country collecting these vital supplies.  So, off to work I went coordinating the logistics involved in arranging for a truckload of medical supplies to be delivered to my office in New Jersey. At that time trucks were not permitted in, only vehicles. My friends Roger and Sue, in an act of incredible bravery, loaded these essentials into a minivan and navigated them into the city. It's hard to convey the magnitude of risk they faced; Roger and Sue were venturing into what essentially was a war zone, driven by a commitment to help children he had never met. 

My gratitude is boundless: to my colleagues at the Children’s Miracle Network who didn't hesitate to send aid, to the unnamed driver who traversed the country gathering supplies, and to Roger and Sue, who stepped forward to ensure the delivery of these life-saving resources.

Looking back on that time, it's undeniable that grief colors my memories. Yet, intertwined with that sorrow is an immense sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the outpouring of support from my  colleagues across the country, to the board members at CMN who gave me the time away from my day to day job to coordinate this effort, they all allowed me to channel my grief into action. Deep gratitude and for every individual who joined me in that effort. It's a poignant reminder that even in our darkest hours, there's a capacity within us all to make a meaningful impact.

Grief is like a shape-shifter, changing form and intensity as it moves through our lives. We experience grief so often in life: acts of violence, death, dying, break ups, job loss, moving, kids leaving home. It can be a heavy cloak we wear, a shadow following us, or a sudden storm that clears the air, leaving us breathless yet somehow clearer. We don’t talk about grief in our society, so many of us are unprepared when it strikes. Transforming grief isn't about making it disappear—it's about learning to carry it with grace, allowing it to change us. 

Here are 10 ways that have been helpful to me and I hope will transform grief in your life.

1. Embrace the Waves: Grief comes in waves, and like the ocean, it follows its own rhythm. Sometimes it's a tsunami, overwhelming and all-consuming. Other times, it's a gentle ripple on the shore. Embrace these waves; let them come, knowing they will also go. It's a dance with the tides of your own heart.

2. Create a Ritual: Rituals can provide a sense of structure and comfort in the chaos of grief. This could be lighting a candle daily, visiting a special place, or creating art. Rituals honor your loss and create a space for your grief, allowing it to coexist with the rest of your life.

3. Share Your Story: Sharing your story of loss and grief can be incredibly healing. It connects you with others, breaks down walls of isolation, and can transform your pain into a bridge of empathy. Whether it's through writing, speaking, or art, let your story flow.

4. Seek Solitude: In a world that often fears silence and solitude, finding space for quiet reflection can be a powerful way to process grief. Solitude allows us to listen to our inner voice, to truly feel our feelings, and to find peace in our own company.

5. Dive into Creativity: Creativity is a magical alchemy, turning pain into beauty. Paint, write, dance, sing—use whatever medium speaks to you. Creativity is not about the outcome but the process, allowing your grief to flow through you and transform into something new.

6. Connect with Nature: Nature is a master teacher in the art of transformation. Observe the seasons, the cycle of growth, decay, and rebirth. Spend time in nature to remind yourself that, like the world around you, you too can find new growth after loss.

7. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness teaches us to live in the present, acknowledging our pain but not being consumed by it. Through mindfulness, we can observe our feelings of grief without judgment, allowing them to be part of our experience but not the entirety of it. 

8. Move Your Body: Movement, whether it's yoga, walking, dancing, or any form of exercise, can help release the physical manifestations of grief. It's a way to remind yourself that you are alive, capable of experiencing joy and strength alongside sorrow.

9. Volunteer or Help Others: Helping others can be a powerful way to transform your grief. It shifts your focus outward, provides a sense of purpose, and connects you to the larger tapestry of human experience. In helping others, we often find healing for ourselves.
10. Allow Transformation: Finally, allow grief to transform you. It's not about "getting over" your loss but growing around it. Your grief is a testament to your capacity to love, to feel deeply. Let it soften you, deepen your empathy, and expand your understanding of life.

Grief is a journey with no clear destination, a process of continual unfolding and becoming. By embracing it, creating space for it, and allowing it to transform us, we honor our loss and ourselves. In the heart of grief, we find the seeds of resilience, growth, and a deeper appreciation for the preciousness of life.

I know this post was a bit of a downer. But grief is indeed a part of life. I hope you found this helpful. If you are grieving- you are not alone my friend. Please feel free to reach out.

In peace and gratitude,

Susan

P.S.The blog post about transforming your mornings is coming soon ;)

The Helpers: Volunteer drivers loading the minivan before Roger and Sue drive the asthma supplies to The Children’s Aid Society to be distributed to children living near ground zero.  September 2001